We had a bit of an epiphany in our house over the weekend. We’ve (finally) realised that we have way too much stuff. As a family of hoarders, it’s really no surprise to anyone apart from ourselves.
But, I wonder why it is we hang on to stuff. There are hundreds of TV programs about people that hoard, collect, live in hell-holes full of total crap but none about people who are just medium hoarders. We don’t live in a hell-hole surrounded by bin bags and boxes and we can definitely get into our beds to sleep (sleep is another very important thing for us – more about that another time) but we like to buy things and hang on to them. For years. I still have a badge from my childhood that says ‘I’m a Mini Roll Foil Saver’ – what a great example of irony.
I wonder how many other medium hoarders there are out there. I wonder how many people have that badge. Probably none, it’s almost definitely worth a fortune. I think I’ll write to cash in the attic/shit in the loft.
While I’m wondering about all this, I’m also wondering what we are going to do with all this bloody stuff. We can’t get rid of it but we don’t want to look at it. I want to fit my sister-in-law’s not-very-used but quite-nice red sofa into my office. So in order to get the red sofa in (more shit someone else doesn’t want), I’ll have to box some of my current shit up and squirrel it away somewhere. Because I definitely can’t get rid of any of the things I’ve ‘collected’ as they might come in handy one day… and there we have it. Words of a true hoarder ‘it might come in handy’. Bring in the white coats and take me away, I give in.
Word Queen 
I’d like to check in on my favorite item you have stored over the years. A most beloved silver pitcher aquired on the greatest girls holiday trip ever to Ireland. I mean, it’s not everyday one spends a night as last minute guests in a castle… XXX
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Rest assured, said item is still in one’s care… may I take this opportunity to thank you for discretion over the past 9 years. I’ll probably be serving at Her Majesty’s pleasure now you’ve let the cat out the bag though. xxx
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If I ever utter those words the item in question is binned. The future one day it might have been needed will be the day I can’t find it anyway so have to buy a new one. Bin and risk buying new. Can I come and help you de hoard pleeeeeeaaaaassssseee!!??
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